Hmmmm

Ok, so Monday will find me temping for the Crown Prosecution Service. But come Tuesday I will most likely be back on the dole again, because I have just found out that I have an interview that day that cannot be re-arranged. I don't receive any benefits for the first 3 days that I am signed on, so financially I might be better off not going to work at all. Of course, the CPS could be a nice, understanding employer who know what it's like to live in constant uncertainty. It's just they don't sound that way from their website, and I am worried they will be fecked off and find some little known law to prosecute me under for, like, being a pain. Very worried...

Big Bother

I started this weblog back in the dark, cold days of early January. Life seemed so much simpler then. Now it is almost mid-January, and I find thinking of things to write about every day an ever increasing strain... so I will whinge about Celebrity Big Brother.

I do not care that these Celebrities do not hail from the A-List - this is what followers of the genre know to expect. True Celebrities (i.e. people worthy of celebration), such as Rolf Harris and Stephen Hawking, have more important things to do with their time. What bothers me most is the unfair criticism that George Galloway MP has received for allegedly neglecting his political duties whilst in the house.

Here is a man who clearly volunteered to appear on the show in order to raise the level of discussion featured above the usual level of tedious flirting and sniping to worthier matters such as British foreign policy. And what do Channel 4 do but cut out all of the political discussion and only screen the catfights between Barrymore and Jodie Marsh? If I wanted to watch people have arguments about cleaning rotas and the washing up I could arrange that anytime at home, without having to switch on the TV.

Channel 4 have lost a golden chance to feature interesting, opinionated discussion and so help dislodge the national political scene from its current sorry state, where all three main parties agree with each other. It bothers me because I have been faithfully tuning in EVERY DAY for AN HOUR to find out what these famous, influential people think of the Iranian Nuclear Threat, Israel post-Sharon and the Liberal Democrat leadership race only to be cruelly disappointed. It seems that Jodie is the main trouble maker, so she has received my vote for eviction. Hopefully, with her gone, conditions next week will be more conduicive to serious talk and debate.

Learning new things

Things that I have learnt the hard way today (several not for the first time):

1. When you are waiting to see someone at the Job Centre, it is much better to look restless and impatient whilst sitting on the multi-coloured comfortable chairs. If you try to put the waiting time to good use (for instance by reading a book or completing a Soduku) you will be ignored even longer.
2. Green Curry Tuna for 49p at Half Price or Less is not a bargain.*
3. If you are riding your bike, and the back wheel starts to handle as if it has a puncture, it is very unlikely that conditions will improve if you continue to peddle to your destination. It is more likely that air will continue to be lost from the tyre, making the situation worse.
4. Eating a whole box of fresh beetroot on the train home yesterday may have been in accord with my New Year's Resolutions (refer to previous post) but it has unexpected side effects, like turning urine red.
5. I would much rather work in Anarctica than for the Inland Revenue, but I have just noticed that the British Anarctic Survey are hiring :-)
6. When a Recruitment Agency promises to phone you back 'in the afternoon', it doesn't mean that they will.

* unless you like a nasty lingering aftertaste and feeling really bad for several hours.

Yay!

Fantastic! They e-mailed to say that I passed all their computerised tests and can therefore be interviewed! If only there was a job that involved doing nothing but filling out psychometric and numerical reasoning tests (oh, and replying to simulated e-mail messages). I would be so sorted then.

Self-improvement

The same day, same city but much, much later on finds me searching St. Peter's Square for the monument to the Peterloo Massacre that is meant to be there, according to a letter in the Guardian newspaper. Most of my history knowledge from school obviously consists of WWI and WWII, see, so I have been trying to learn more about other periods. Well there were lots of things to look at, including a large War Memorial, a Peace Garden ("Manchester - a nuclear free city"), an enormous statue of a Lady Feeding Some Pigeons and the Central Library (pictured) but the Peterloo monument is very well hidden, if it does, indeed, exist at all. I abandoned the search and went to the Oyster Bar instead.

My head hurts

Where was I today? That vaguely sinister looking building is where I was today - being force-fed psychometric tests for about 4 hours. It is the 'Quaywest' in Salford and is made of tinted bronze glass, resplendent amongst other local landmarks such as Old Trafford, the Lowry Centre and the Imperial War Museum (which I like). I was worried I would not be able to find the way from Harbour City tramstop, but no fear since as I disembarked so did half a dozen other Wannabe Civil Service Drones in suits. It didn't bode well that none of us could penetrate the building - the front doors opened automatically but right behind this was another set of doors which seemed to be broken. It took a good minute of jumping up and down on the floor (to try and activate the pressure pad) before a security guard came and demonstrated that they were old-fashioned doors which had to be, like, pushed and pulled. Stupid building.

Yorkshire Crimewatch

We saw some motorcyclists inexpertly chugging up the path that runs past Whernside in the Yorkshire Dales. Thinking this was probably illegal, I discreetly snapped some shots that I could later present to the local Chief Inspector so that he could make the appropriate arrests. And provide me with a generous financial reward. But sadly the resolution on my camera isn't good enough to make out their number plates. And now I'm thinking that they may have been on a Yorkshire Green Lane which is totally kosher, apparently. The Green Lanes Alliance (which sounds like a cool eco-terrorist group, but unfortunately not) would like to change that.


That's the magnificent Ribblehead Viaduct, which lies at the foot of Whernside, resplendent with its 24 arches. Lenka took about 500 pictures of it.

Resolutions

So they're a bit late, but that's pretty much par for most things I do...

I have kept my resolutions simple. Setting realistic, achievable targets is surely the order of the day:

1. Start a weblog, like this one. Although there is a lack of newsworthy things going on in my life to write about, maybe I will be inspired to actually do interesting stuff in order to broadcast it around the world on-line. Or maybe just make things up.
2. Listen to more BBC 6 Music, and less Capital Disney.
3. Speak more slowly, except when I am deliberately trying to confuse or freak people out (i.e. not during job interviews).
4. Eat less olives (expensive), more beetroot (inexpensive).
5. Finish in the morale-boosting top 10 of an adventure race.
6. Drop the questionable tactic of completely agreeing with what the other person is saying as a swift means to bring a conversation to a close.
7. Drink more tea and water (inexpensive), less Coke (expensive).
8. Oh, and find some stir-crazy organisation that will give me money in exchange for my valuable time.

so one down, seven to go - watch this space!

Kingdom of Morecambe Bay

I took this picture from the top of Clougha Pike (outside Lancaster) on New Year's Day. That's Morecambe Bay in the distance, and the fells of the southern Lake District on the horizon. I was sort of looking for a location nearby on the map called "Castle of Cold Comfort" which sounds like just the sort of jolly, happy place that I would like, but couldn't find it.

First ever post

... and so it begins! Even though I can't see my journal anywhere on the web, I assume that it is working anywayz. It's dark, it's cold, the year is just beginning and I am newly unemployed. I decided to create this journal mainly to prove how I am so capable of coherent thought, even though most people wouldn't believe that from listening to me waffle on about nothing much before coming to a sudden halt mid-sentence...