Call centre tips

I have lately been temping in a call centre. This might seem a strange career move, since I can barely follow my own conversation sometimes, so goodness knows how a total stranger at the other end of a crackly phone line is meant to.

I do, however, have plenty of experience of contacting phone centres to talk to my bank, pay bills, discuss application forms etc. etc. and have found the people who answer the phone to be almost always irritable and unhelpful. Now I know why. Based on experience, here are my tips for a successful call centre experience:

1. Don't assume that you can save time by quoting your customer reference number. This assumes that the person at the call centre has access to a computer to look you up on the database. Sure, I'll pretend to look you up at the database, but when I ask for your full address, phone number and insurance policy details 'for confirmation' it is because I am busy writing it all down on an A4 pad - for a time the only technology that I had at my disposal.
2. When I answer the phone "Good afternoon, Spider speaking, how can I help you?", don't reply sceptically "I wonder if you can....". You will only be the 40th or so person to say that today, and it sets the discussion off to a bad start.
3. It's fine to ask to speak to a Team Leader. I won't be insulted - to be honest they're probably much better placed to deal with your query. They're quite few and far between, though, so I will have to put you on hold for about 10 minutes whilst I go and find one, join the queue to talk to them and finally explain the issue to them, during which time you've hung up.
4. You're welcome to threaten to complain to your MP, the Financial Ombudsman and the European Court of Rights. In fact, that's the kind of thing that I would do in the same situation. I love people power!! But this is usually just a roundabout way of asking to speak to a Team Leader. As you wish, please hold...
5. If you live in a place such as Machynlleth or Ffestiniog, please tell me how to spell it. If you live in Birmingham or Plymouth, I'm sure you mean well, but it comes across as a bit patronising.
6. If you're you're the friendly sort, please keep talking. Note how I deliberately attempt to spin out the conversation, change the subject, maybe even phone you back to save your bill - anything to delay Mr. or Ms. Angry who is waiting on the line to speak to me next...

Anywayz, my placement has now come to an end, so I'm sure I will soon lose my newfound call centre empathy, and return to being rude and impatient.