Every place deserves to have an alternate name that is easier to say and write - particularly for people like me who mangle all their words up when not concentrating. There's Bomo (Bournemouth), the Smoke (London), Lanks (Lancaster) and Dorch (Dorchester). So I will use the term Edbo, even though no-one else does.
So here are some of the unusual things I have discovered about Edbo:
1) No-one thanks the bus driver. You see, no matter how far you travel on the bus, the fare is always a pound. And the bus driver has no change. So you silently drop your cash in the slot (where it must be weighed electronically) or swipe your Ridacard. And then take your seat. Because of this there is no excuse to talk to the bus driver. And since you haven't spoken to him on the way in, for some reason it is more difficult to say something when departing the vehicle. So very few people do. At least that's what I've noticed.
2) You order some chips in a takeaway. The person behind the counter scoops some chips into a tray and asks if you would like salt and vinegar. You reply 'Yes, but not too much, please' bearing in mind what happened to poor Sid the Slug. Then, without asking for any further instruction, the person covers the chips in a very generous helping of brown sauce, completely spoiling them. The first time this happened I played back the scenario in my mind, and assumed that when I answered 'Yes, but not too much, please', she must have heard 'Yes, but could you also smother the chips in brown sauce, please'. Assuming it was my fault, I accepted the chips, but threw most of them away. The second time this happened, in the same shop, I assumed that the person serving the chips remembered me from before, clearly didn't like me and therefore wanted to spitefully ruin my food. Well, I was hurt, but I accepted the chips and decided never to go to that shop again. Well yesterday it happened in a different shop. Apparently it's a tradition.
3) The word 'outwith'. As in:
"I'm sorry your address is outwith the practice area for this surgery"
"What, you mean it's outside the practice area"
I've noticed that in practically every written document produced at work and by civil institutions such as the local council or the university has a ban on the word 'outside'. I think it means the same 'outside', but it doesn't seem right. Probably designed as a way to confuse people. But why it is just this one word that is different?
4) I'm enjoying Newsnight, my second favourite show (after This Week). Suddenly, halfway through transmission (sometimes midway through an item or interview), the programming is inexpertly interrupted and the titles for something called Newsnight Scotland appear. There then follows 20 minutes of sheer tedium where they examine some burning issue of no significance, like the scottish economy has been predicted to grow by 0.2% next year, or whatever. All very interesting, but if I wanted to learn more about local issues I'd read the local newspaper, or watch the local news. In the meantime I'm missing all the exciting Newsnight reports promised in my Newsnight e-mail, sent to me earlier in the day by Jeremy Paxman. The only option is to watch Newsnight on-line, but the live feed is so blocky and stuttery I can conclude that almost everyone else in Scotland has chosen to do the same. I feel a petition to the Scottish Parliament coming on...
